HERE I AM, SEND ME.

When I thought about taking a year off to reevaluate where I was and what I was doing, I had no idea all that the Lord already had planned for me. All that I knew is that I needed to consecrate some time for the Lord to rock me and redefine my purpose. When I found this trip it sounded absolutely perfect. Nothing makes my heart more content than to hold babies, love widows, and run around with kids. I thought that this trip would be just that, a sweet romantic adventure with the Lord as I learned to love and be loved better. But the Lord had other plans.

The past three months has been the most intense period of growth I have ever had in my life. The Lord has shaken my world and pulled me apart and gotten to the root of the issues I face, not just slapped on another band aid to temporarily ‘fix me’ like I normally ask him to. Not only have I had exponential unexpected growth, healing, and freedom, but also the Lord has pushed me into a place of leadership that I didn’t want or expect.

The first three months AIM asked me to be in charge of a team of 6, just making sure that we were where we needed to be, and that everyone was taken care of. That was a hard thing for me to step into at first, but I quickly realized that I love loving other people, helping them grow, and encouraging others and that is all that being a team leader is. Through all that the Lord was able to show me that that person is who I really am, that is who I’ve always been and anything other than that was just a front.

Then as we prepared to leave Honduras AIM asked me to step up again and lead the whole squad. This terrified me. Being a squad leader meant giving up my expectations of living in one place, working with one ministry, working with the same people for three months, and even having a team. As a squad leader I would be moving around from team to team with one other person and our ministry would shift to taking care of the teams and making sure that the squad is healthy and growing. This is something I did not expect and more responsibility than I bargained for.

As I’ve reluctantly stepped into this new role the Lord has been reminding me that he is the only one and the only thing that I need. To step into this new thing that the Lord has placed before me I have had to give up the comfort of having a team that I know and trust, the comfort of a home, and the comfort of being able to fade into the background. But God is more than faithful and he always wants to give me good things, even when the best thing for me isn’t always the thing that I want. He has brought me into a place where I have no where to hide and no one else to depend on and the only thing I can do is trust him to take care of me.

I am excited for this new season and even though it may be hard I know that the Lord is faithful. I also know that he had this planned for me before I even knew this trip existed and he will never leave me alone. I am also excited to be able to share in the victories and celebrate with all the teams in all the villages and share them with all of you back at home.

So thank you Lord for good gifts,

gifts that are so good and so big that I couldn’t have even imagined asking for them.