I was looking through my journal the other day and I found an entry from January that talked about a vision that The Lord had given me.
I was wake boarding and my knees were shaking and I was terrified. I was scared because I didn’t know when the waves were coming, because I wasn’t controlling the speed of the boat, and because I don’t even know how to wake board..
I was so terrified that I couldn’t enjoy the ride, I was just miserable.
I remember how scared I was after Ashley & David told me that I would be squad leading, it was almost crippling. I felt like I was being pushed of to the edge of a cliff and everyone that I loved and that supported me was being taken away and put in new roles on new teams leaving me out to dry. I was absolutely petrified, but I agreed to do it, I didn’t even really have an option.
And that’s the thing, if I feel that The Lord calls me to do something, then ill do it. Sometimes willingly, sometimes not, sometimes screaming through the whole thing.
It was like when we went shark cage diving last month, I didn’t want to go but I went because I thought that if I didn’t go then I would regret it.
So I went and I spent the whole trip minus about 10 minutes I was in the cage leaned over the side of the boat sharing my breakfast with the sharks. The guide had me get in the cage first because he said being in the water would help with the nausea, so reluctantly in I went.
This was seriously one of the most exhilarating things that I have ever done, the sharks come right up to the cage ready to attack the bait. I was completely terrified. I was trapped in this tiny cage with 5 other people screaming and puking and trying not to cry. Don’t get me wrong, it was awesome and I’m glad I did it, I’m just trying to paint a little picture of how scared and pathetic I really was.
I remember getting out of the cage and thinking, this is exactly how I live. I am following The Lord and living an exciting and adventurous life, but I’m terrified the whole time because I don’t fully trust him. It was like, I could see the problem but I didn’t know how to not be scared.
Last week I was talking to Samantha and wining about how scary the future is and how scared I am of what’s coming next. She took my shoulders and looked me in the eyes and said, ‘you are not fear. God has not given you a spirit of fear.’ And something clicked, I actually don’t have to be afraid, I can actually trust God.
We’ve been listening to a song called Oceans by Hillsong in worship and it sings about walking on the water. We were listening to it before school one day and God gave me a picture of myself, no walking, not running, but dancing on the water.
And I feel it, my spirit is light and I’m not afraid of anything coming my way. I know that The Lord has a plan and somehow, he’ll always keep me afloat. Not only is the fear gone, but I am really trusting The Lord, I really believe the things that he says and the promises he makes.
And now I’m inviting you,
come and dance on the water.
Life is really going to be okay.
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